My journey 2013

Indeed, another year is coming to an end, so close, so fast!

Looking through and evaluating my personal goals, my cell group goals I believe there's only one word to describe "God's faithfulness." God I am very grateful to what you have been doing in my life this year. You are the One that went through the deepest valley with me and of course the highest mountain with me. Moments when I feel like giving up especially when studies and ministries became heavy and seem to overwhelmed me, and the fears that I had when I took my examinations with no full confidence that I know every single questions, the doubt if I had studied and given my all. Of course in my ministries, being a spiritual leader, leading a group of young people wasn't easy especially now in Tertiary level. One moment in life, I felt so strangled by all the different commitments but one very word was "My heartbeat." That was all that I could say "God, I surrender it to You, because I wanna to love You." It was a simple prayer made to Him and yup I had seen how God restored in my the passion for the Lost and the Broken, I had seen myself walking through different seasons with different youths and of course my Children church and back-up ministry.

 Moments when I feel tired, exhausted of running and hiding and searching. This was all because an area of what He has been dealing with me, so much and so deep. I remember one of the evening service, God just have to plucked it out from me, it was as if a patient lying in the operation theatre, having to allow the surgeon to operate and remove what was harmful to the body. I was feeling so hurtful for what had happened which I felt it was a whole full year that complete healing could actually take place. And now I would want to say its Your love that keeps me going. Without His love, I wouldn't be here typing this..  Its you that reminded me in the darkness and trials my soul shall always sing, and You will never fail. 

And of course, what makes this year so different was song-writing. I really thought I lost this little passion within me. I used to rush out of my bathroom, excitably open up my diary noting down every inspiration and lyrics God placed in my mind. Sometimes walking on the street, with gentle foot steps, wind blowing to my face, messing up my hair wouldn't mean anything to me because inspiration just come. Missing and recalling back my band days, where music was so close to my heart. But I felt that I lost it. My excuse was I had no time, so caught into the busyness of life...

 However, I realized that it was a little element in my life that draws me really close to God. I pick up this passion in the midst of Year 2, studying in nursing where Leionn approached me in helping him in a huge project he is doing.. I agreed to it. & followed by co-writing a song together. It was truly an enjoyable process even recording and recording of songs, which makes me really wanna to laugh but yup I told God that I wanted to give me my best in this and  not realizing that I had fixed my mind on something that I really want to see this "passion" within me rise again. That period of time, I could really feel close to God and I knew that something different change within me. So now God's Seasons is ready (hmm, not sure how's the external party is going to mix it but ya... ) by looking at the lyrics, I am just "amazed" by it! The process was long (couldn't put everything here) but My heart was filled with great joy, love and delight.

Indeed the valley that I went through was a difficult one for me. It was something that I could never imagine I could overcome But God I did it! How awesome and beautiful it is! Along this year, someone paints me a very beautiful picture(not from Singapore)  but via whatsapp, a picture that speaks a thousand words. I don't know, but this picture was very significant and special to me especially when I first receive it when I was hearing a song on my bed(I was surprised, and it took me a few seconds to reply. Like a morning call (:  It was as if like it was a dream). It gave me a sense of belonging, a blessed feeling and its not just the photo alone but I guess as a whole. A simple illustration would be you don't just look at the gift, but also the Giver. Yep for my case... 
The process of everything for this year I would say is patience, love, wait! Patient to see what He can do, to love in the process of everything and to wait for God's answers in all my prayers. One thing that really strikes me was God constantly reminding me of this statement, "Seek more of Me than the answers."  My answers became more important of what God wants to do in my life, and my motives of making prayers was to seek only answers from Him? So what about God? Yup, I had forsaken Him. I am really grateful this year for what He has done and whoa I really cant wait to see what God can do in and through my life next year..

The journey wasnt easy, and God did not promised you an easy one but He promised us that in Isaiah 41:13 He will take hold of our right hand and He will say to us, "Do not fear, I will help you." (: