heaviness

Heavy-hearted...

Narrow Path

Narrow Path Composed by Keegan Ng

Verse 1 :
I'm fighting hard, but losing ground
I'm searching but I don't know what i'm looking for,
Inside of me, there's an emptiness that no one sees,

But only You, search deep within,
Only You, will know what my heart really needs,
Inside of me, calm the storm and raging seas,

Prechorus :
I've only one desire, for You to have Your way,
I've finally come to know that I, don't want to go my way

Chorus :
I'm choosing the narrow path today, 
I'm living, out a brand new day,
This world no longer has a hold on me,
You've opened my eyes and now I see,
and I'm giving my heart and soul away,
No matter what trials that come my way,
Oh I'm staying in your love, I'm choosing the narrow path today

Bridge :
I'm giving what I can't keep
To gain what I know is real,
Yes I'm choosing, Your words of life
the heart of Christ,

Torn in between

If I have a phrase to say: 

" I am truly sorry." 

Life

Months that I have not updated this blog.

We look at life from the back side of the tapestry. And most of the time, what we see is loose threads, tangled knots and the like. But occasionally, God's light shines through the tapestry, and we get a glimpse of the larger design with God weaving together the darks and lights of existence.

John Piper

It was today where I felt that advancing the Kingdom of God is utmost important and we need to be assertive and quick to bring lives into the Kingdom of Life.
I was taken aback with what has happened, I've lost the motivation of striving towards all my assignments and meeting deadlines! It's pretty tiring to pursuit after and it isn't what woman are designed for. It is the same concept on how a woman is created to be pursued by man, how Jesus is pursued after us.
--
I had discovered that the nature of men are unchangeable unless one is truly transformed. My expectations and dreams dropped which resulted in disappointment- My mind and heart went chaotic. But one should not lay any expectation on self and others- for they are men which will fail you, but, God doesn't!  

argh.......

A new passion

This song captivated my heart when I was in the car. I felt the empowerment and the anointing of the Holy Spirit which I needed this season. A lost of passion and inspiration of "stuffs"  where restoration needs to take place, an out-pour from You. Do I even dare to ask from Him? The challenge was posted to me this week: to ask God for a new passion, a new heart. 

Where you go I go 

What you say I say 

What you pray I pray 

(repeat 2x)

Jesus only did, What he saw you do

He would only say, What he heard you speak

He would only move, When he felt you lead

Following your heart, Following your spirit

How could I expect to walk without you

When every move that Jesus made was in surrender

I would not begin to live without you

For you alone are worthy you are always good

You are always good

You are always good

Always good

Always good

-

It is not the biggest thing you could do, but the smallest things that matter the most.. Because it is the smallest things that make a big difference

Heart of a Servant

--

The joy he gave, the sweetness I received.

Getting into a relationship during his army days, I guess its a blessing. I learn how to bless, to love, and to be loved. I can't fully explain. Comparison was a trap I admit that I fell into, and its not just one aspects of my life but in this race that I was running. This season- a dry and weary one where I felt far away from His presence, due to the heavy-load of assignments and busyness with people. Yet the same presence that drew me back, aligned me and renewed the inward strength. 

Youth service's sermon last week was about our life style as a worship to God like Mary.  When I

read Luke 1:38a: "‘I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May your word to me be fulfilled.‘ I asked myself , am I willing to be The Lord's servant. 

My answer was "Yes, Lord." 

I desire to surrender this season of molding despite my inability to understand why things may

happened, why people react in certain ways, and why my emotions can also be like a roller coaster ride. 

-- 

Heart of a a Servant

Uncluttered

Am here confessing that I am one of my own biggest obstacles to living as an uncluttered woman. I know that I should depend solely on God for direction and strength, but the simple fact is I often don’t. Would be difficult to admit it.

It is hard to sift through all that is thrown at us each day. Clutter happens and it challenges all of us. I’m in the trenches and readily admit that navigating this silly-dizzy world is difficult. There are ten bazillion things that compete for our attention and clutter our faith: emotions, materialism, negative thinking, overbooked schedules, doubts, legalism, laziness, self-reliance, our past pains and failures, technology, work, our need to control things, finances, debt, stress, addictions, discontentment and relationships. And I’m just getting started! This list could go on forever. It is how women are wired- woman not men... 

The Bible instructs us to direct our silly-dizzy days toward God. “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” (Proverbs 16:3, NIV)

In His presence, God gives order to both our thoughts and our to-do lists. Everything changes when we seek Him first and commit our plans to Him. The journey to becoming an uncluttered woman is all about personal contact with Jesus. Having an experience greater peace and deeper faith as we determine to respond to His constant invitation to come.

When we position ourselves in the presence of the Peace-giver and ask Him to lead and prioritize our heart matters, the uncluttering begins.

Let. It. Begin.
Girlfriendsingod

Woman

The 5 habits of the girl who won’t give up
1. She gets up each morning and follows through with her commitments despite how she feels.

Her feet are firmly positioned into the day’s tasks. While quitting may seem like an option she refuses to become someone others or God can’t count on. Her heart understands that she must be found faithful in the small steps to be trusted with the big steps.

2. She approaches the Word of God with reverence.
She opens God’s Word and believes each day He has something to speak to her about. There’s no questioning spirit when a friend texts her a Bible verse. She listens to sermons and teachings and doesn’t think of the friend who needs to hear that message, she knows there’s something there just for her.

3. She longs for the grace of refinement rather than the grace of relief.
She doesn’t have a personal agenda to fulfill when she faces steps of refinement. In fact, she longs for the grace of refinement rather than the grace of relief because she trusts the process of refinement. She accepts the perspective godly people offer her in difficult situations. And she embraces the process of becoming better through her mistakes.

4. She chooses to infect the world with joy.
Though life seems to frequently dump on her, she chooses to not dump on others. In fact, she thrives on being emotionally generous towards others. The spirit of generosity that oozes through her infects joy into a seemingly miserable world. As a result, when darkness seems to gloom over her she can easily shoo it away by giving joy.

5. She has a spirit of unbreakable determination.
Though she may feel a little [or a lot] bent many days, she never lets her bending turn to a broken dream. She refuses to break her perseverance towards the things God has placed her on this earth to do. In the midst of her rejection that attempts to break her she thrives by standing firm on this verse: “Create in me a pure heart O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” –Psalm 51:10

Love?

More than a nice melody, more than the sweetest of words
This is the love, I have found 

And with this love, I am found..  

At a place, filled with words kept within. There's much to mention, but silence shall it be.
Unexpressed, because actions must speak louder than words. Sometimes, caught in between reality and expectations. Clueless why, this little human heart of mine desire more than I could ask for. 
Timely, learning God's love. He chase persistently after me, He pursue and engulf me with his agape love-overwhelming. He ran over my disappointment when I pour out my heart to Him. He kept me close, never rejects me, within a second- always reachable. Why would I run away and avoid this Love given to me.
this little fantasy must go, and run into reality.   

Beauty for Ashes

Beauty for ashes, a garment of praise for my heaviness 

Beauty for ashes, take this heart of stone and make it Yours, Yours

I delight myself in the Richest of Fair, trading all that I've had for all that is better

A garment of praise for my heaviness, You are the greatest taste

You're the richest of fair

(Psalm 63, Isaiah 61)

Its probably a season that I felt God is always reminding me of how David took delight in soaking in God's presence, seeking and earnestly longing for Him in a dry and parched land where there's no water. He held closely to God and He knows that God's love is better than life. -Ps 63, my favorite Psalms in all season. 

The beauty of it is that God is challenging me to trade my whole being to Him- my life, my emotions, my heart, my mind- EVERYTHING. Sometimes its funny how I want to grasp hold of life so closely to me yet knowing that God can do a better job. His assurance came even stronger telling me "Aveline, trade it with Me" each time my emotions take control of me. I fear of failing, I fear of losing, I fear of ... 

I am thankful for the call last night, because I realized I need to commit everything to Him, daring to trade my beauty for ashes, to taste God's goodness in our lives, to delight in the Richest of fair, to exchange my heaviness with Your yoke. 

--
Loves, Ave 

Moment to Breathe

Revived in Your Story

I'll walk through the fire
With my head lifted high
And my spirit revived in Your story
And I'll look to the cross
As my failure is lost
In the light of Your glorious grace

--
 Today was rather an emotional day.. hmm

Am stuck-ed at home the whole day rushing assignments! Apart of me, secretly desiring to run out of my house breathing the air outside. Yet, I found little joy staying in this apartment of mine. It's been ages- because today 23 hours of the time is fully mine! No humans but there's WhatsApp!
Able to listen to endless songs is a luxury; slow down, thinking about life; about friendships; about school and assignments; about you. :')As the clock tick... It creates this little fear in me...

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The only thing to stay secure and fearless was to remain in His presence, seeking and praying. A season where God was speaking to me about "letting go of my fears," "freeing my mind from unnecessary burdens."
Created, imaginary pictures of fearful thoughts and scenes- overthink!  yikes! They formed by people's actions and speeches. It can also be unspoken which creates that little insecurity (probably that's how woman thinks) I do not know how to go from here, but daring to share my minds out with someone i can trust would be the best solution.

-- 

Let Him Fix

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When things doesn't seems to go the way we desire, when it is not up to one's expectations and not according to what makes my heart sing..

The way it works for me is that I’ll feel a tight feeling in my chest. Sometimes I feel emotional, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes over-imagination of life. I start looking for problems that I can fix but realising I can't because the only I can is- To Pray